She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i think i have two assholes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
