my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
they're like a gay fantastic four
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
there is puke in my bra ... again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
