I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
