I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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