I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize