dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
