dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
