i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
