I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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