You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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