i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
