Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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