fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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