My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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