I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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