I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
