Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
