Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
