i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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