people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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