Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
