wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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