Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
