I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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