The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
