Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
