Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
