if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
