dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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