What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How naked do you want me to be?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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