Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
