if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize