also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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