We're like a lot better than the average bears
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
