He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
