how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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