I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
