went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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