loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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