I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
