Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
