I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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