there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
