i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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