Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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