I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize