just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
