have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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