so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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