when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
