i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
