I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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