Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
