My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want to make out with him forever
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
