I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
