im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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