I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
