i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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