just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
