Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
