If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
