he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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