i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
