Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
