marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
