I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
