what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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