i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the condom got lost in my hair
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
