i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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