Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Quick, to the slutcave!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize