My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
