Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
