I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
