i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
