Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
