i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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