Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
