One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
