But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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