dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
