4 words: hood of his car
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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