So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
