Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
