Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
