I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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