Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
