Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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