please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
