you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize