My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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